Valentines

I've finally landed...sort of.

The last several months have been a whirlwind-and I can't really claim any sort of success in keeping current with things. To everyone who has written a note to me, thanks. I haven't been in a position to deal with email consistently since mid November-at least not yet. But I hope to be able to answer everyone over the next several weeks. Its going to take a while due to all the vision stuff I continue to deal with but I will hopefully somehow get caught back up...

My vision is driving me crazy and no one has a clue why it does what it does or what to do about it. It is also now official that other aspects of my cognitive function were altered by the head trauma I sustained in 02. As a layman, I really don't know what the ramifications of these latest findings are. But I do think one of the strangest experiences I've had-almost like an altered state-is the experience of hearing these reports read to me. Knowing that all the language contained in the reports is addressing me but also feeling a sense of removal-almost as if it has to be someone else that these findings refer to.

Night before last, to get refocused on the future, Kevin and I were up burning slash on some of the land I own. My neighbors saw us and came over to say hello. As we caught up, I was reminded that my neighbors are good and gracious, the truest blessing any guy could hope to share a fenceline with. As the flames from the slash pile flickered and danced, accompanying the full moon rising, the light was so bright that the snow capped mountains came alive under their blankets. Winter magic unfolded in those moments as the last of the sunset faded and we watched the sparks chase heaven, often in bursts of energy teasing both wind and cliff before falling into the darkness. Looking across the river, each peak caressed the sky and the stars were bright enough to reflect on the glassy surfaces of the Pend Oreille River. Even as the flames died, the night remained bright and full of promise.

Eventually the coyotes came down from the higher country almost as if to ask "where you been so long?

My answer was to say I've always been here. At least in heart and spirit.

Physically over the last several months I've spent far too much time traveling back and forth from places that are both familiar yet strange to me-mainly Seattle, California and so forth. Yet I've been incredibly homesick for Pend Oreille County- which is the truest definition of home.

It seemed everytime I was at the U of W Medical Center I got really sick for weeks after these appointments. I am not sure how this happened because I did all the stuff you do when you are in a hospital environment...wash your hands endlessly, try not to wipe your eyes, etc. etc. but these preventative measures really didn't seem to help. It makes the potential bird flu pandemic, or any other such threat, seem all that more challenging.

I know there are more tests over in Seattle that loom ahead and rehab therapy and a new doctor to try to attempt to get me on track with all the vision stuff--- but right now it just feels really good to be home.

As always more later,

Timbo