Point of Grace

Recently I had an opportunity to see first hand another naked lesson on the meaning of grace.

This awareness was a quite powerful one and it actually caught me off guard. I keep replaying it in my mind, amazed that it's been circulating like really good coffee, spiking my mood. Even as I argue against it and try to rationalize why such an approach would never work or hold up if I tried it.

Long story shorter, I witnessed this gift in the best way God sometimes holds up a mirror and forces a look inside. I witnessed Grace, forgiveness and mercy in the behavior of a long term friend. It appeared mainly in the form of his forgiveness extended far beyond any human measure that I can relate to. Imagine forgiving vast amounts of debt. Like in the range of total third world debt-and not even getting bitter about it.

That is so way beyond human in my book.

I'd say such an act is up there with Gandhi and the Dali Lama and Jesus-get the picture?

In fact, he's extended so much forgiveness and provided so many second chances to people in his life, including me, through the years, that I'm still stunned. A light bulb clicked on. That this much grace and mercy is found in a human person-that his quietly putting his faith into action stands taller and more sincere than I believe I would be capable of, especially if I faced the same circumstances as he has, is not something that is easy for me to acknowledge.

In fact, I'd rather not acknowledge it and I've tried really hard to ignore his example for a long time.
Which was a very dumb thing to do.

Let's just say my spiritual gifts, if I have any, lie in other area's. I guess I am good at creative stuff. Good at being funny. Good at reading Isaiah when I'm pissed at God, at least at first. But oh crap, I'm suddenly looking in the mirror and realizing I'm not so good at forgiveness. Not a lot of grace and mercy in my interactions with people who've stepped on my pride or perfect vision of how the world should be.

This has been quite a humbling lesson for me. A lesson so embarrassing that I am trying to decide whether I am going to just pretend I didn't see the example.

Being hurt and angry and wronged can be very gratifying.

What's not new about this lesson and it isn't exactly surprising to anyone that knows me, is it seems I find on a more regular than not basis, that my path towards letting go and letting God is frequently far rougher than I'd like to acknowledge.

In fact the word impossible comes to mind.

Forgiveness is not a strong point of mine. Aquarius's linger far too long in the pain we've experienced. We like to wrap ourselves in our disasters and disappointments and we are really really good at sulking. Talk about "Kung Fu Grip", no one can hold onto something for a dang long time than an Aquarius. So long in fact, that unfortunately after awhile our thoughts poison our natural optimism. I hate admitting I have this trait but it's true.

I'm not sure what to do about it other than pray Anne Lamott's patented prayer when you don't know what else to do. It's so easy. Which is why I hate it and try not to do it, because simplicity is another things Aquarius's don't really like.

Her prayer though goes like this:

"Help me. Help me. Help me."

And once said, it usually works. You see God is the one who invented simple. It's the Aquarius types that tried to improve on such wisdom.

Anyway stay tuned. We'll see if I have the balls to go for it.