Flamingo Era To End...
I am simply devastated with this news.
Is America still the same place, now that our beloved Icon shall be no more?
For nearly a decade I engaged in a Flamingo War with my neighbor Richard.
It started innocently enough.
A dare. A "My Flamingo is better than your Flamingo" sort of thing.
Then as all wars go, tensions increased. I learned Richard has serious "Flamingo Envy" issues.
Thus followed the Flamingo Kidnappings. The Tortures. The Beheadings.
I'd come home off the road and they'd be hanging from the dinner bell. Sometimes I'd find them hidden "somewhere" on the ranch.
Sometimes I never found them.
Then it escalated. When men engage in such noble wars, they forgo their medications, they forget decency, proper boundaries (both real and imagined), and they embrace Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Eventually I'd return to the ranch to find "my" Flamingo's lined up and facing "his"-each in formation, proudly staring at one another, eye to eye, across our shared 1/2 mile long the property line.
The bravery of the High Mountain Ranch Flock is a legend. Some of the HMR Flamingos even gave up promising acting careers (shown above) to serve in the HMR Air Force. They will be forever remembered as the Mighty Flying Fighting Pink Police.
Talk about special forces!
My neighbor Richard eventually uped the ante. He threatened that he had a shop. Power tools. Building supplies. Space. That he could build a bigger better Flamingo. That his Terminator Flamingos would be like nothing that I'd ever seen.
I didn't doubt him.
Afterall, he'd made his own jet boat. Even accidently launching his boat through his huge roll up shop doors after he started the engine and forgot about what happens when all that contained airflow hits a very solid back wall. Remember, energy is neither created nor destroyed. It is merely transformed.
I dreaded to think what his "mine is bigger than yours" flamingo might have potentially looked like...
I had a weapon as well.
Bless the mighty High Mountain Ranch fans who sent me tons of Flamingo reinforcements. These were "smart" Flamingos with advanced weaponry. Lighted Flamingos. Animated Flamingos. Even white Snowmingos arrived. How I cherished these brave reinforcements dispatched from all over the country.
Richard surrended.
His wife Sharron had encouraged this. She quietly explained to him that if he liked where he lived, there would be no more Flamingos wars. She'd had enough.
So Richard did what all men do in a time of crisis. He refocused his energies. He turned his attention toward Christmas.
And thus the infamous Pend Oreille County Christmas Lights Display war began.
As did our introduction into the scientific validity of "peak electrical load".
Oh how I miss those days...
For the full story on the end of the Flamingo Era, go here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/17/opinion/17price.html?th&emc=th
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