Quote of the day:
" America has caved on Iraqi women's rights. In fact, the women's rights activists supported by George and Laura Bush may have to leave Iraq.
But, as a former C.I.A. Middle East specialist, Reuel Marc Gerecht, said on "Meet the Press," U.S. democracy in 1900 didn't let women vote. If Iraqi democracy resembled that, "we'd all be thrilled," he said. "I mean, women's social rights are not critical to the evolution of democracy."
Yesterday, the president hailed the constitution establishing an Islamic republic as "an amazing process," and said it "honors women's rights, the rights of minorities." Could he really think that? Or is he following the Vietnam model - declaring victory so we can leave?"
Maureen Dowd, NYTimes, 8/24/05
Today's Blog:
My former roommate Mikey and one of the best friends I have, visited last weekend to celebrate his 35th birthday. This is his account of a heartfelt moment he shared with another truck driver on his journey back to California. I've reposted it here because I think it directly counters the myths regarding gay truckers that are constantly reinforced by the gay press and truck chasing web sites.
On my way home from Pend Oreille County, I-5 was closed for a fire in gold hill.
I got stuck in the line of trucks. They started detouring traffic onto 99, but not till after we had already gotten past the exit. I think it was God's work. He knew the 40 year old cutie in the USXpress truck in front of me needed someone to talk to about his relationship with his boyfriend-A boyfriend who is drowning in depression and taking everyone around him down with him.
What other reason would there be?
Sitting in my four wheeler, I noticed the small pride sticker on the driver's mirror. I also saw the driver talking on the phone. It was easy to see that this was not a pleasant conversation. When his arms were not waving around, they hid the driver's face in the steering wheel. I got out of the car and walked over to the shoulder and stood on the white line to see if there were any signs of what was going on ahead of us. A few minutes later, the USXpress driver was standing next to me.
We started with some small talk about what had us stranded there, about how many truck drivers were pissed and cussing on the radio about their delays, and about how all the trucks still idling were company drivers without a clue (or care), of the money they were spilling out their pipes.
The driver had beautiful blue eyes. But, they were a bit swollen. He'd been crying. His smiles were forced. I could tell his heart was breaking, and that being forced to stop, was most likely a good thing. He looked to be about 30, but for the salt and pepper grey spread through his hair. I was surprised to find he was actually older than me.
I knew I was here to help... but how? He had to want to talk to a total stranger.
I introduced myself and he did the same. "J" was his name.
"Well "J", not to butt into your business". I started in, "but when I was checking out that sticker on your mirror, I noticed you were pretty upset on the phone. I hope everything is ok......"
He had that 'Oh Shit-busted' look on his face, but he said "I dunno.... I guess so."
"Well, sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger. Not Prying, just offering. "
"Thanks", he said, "I'll be ok."
After a bit more small talk, we went back to our vehicles, parked side by side. About 20 minutes later, there was a knock on the door, accompanied by a bright flashlight. I rolled down the window to greet Officer Hansen. He advised me, I could turn around in the center, and return to hwy 99 for a detour of the closure. I thanked him and declined. After looking at the median, I figured the car was too low to attempt the embarrassment of getting high centered in front of two hundred of my fellow truck drivers. NO THANKS!!!
"J" soon jumped out of the truck to see what the cop wanted with me. I told him I was sighted for being too damn good looking. For the first time, he smiled. I returned the favor. Crest would have been proud of how well their whitening strips were working. My knees buckled. He was adorable.
"J" stared at his feet, then looked back at me. "Is the offer still open?"
"Sure. Your place or mine?"
"Mine if it's ok. I have to stay by my phone, and it's charging".
We climbed in his truck. He was slow to getting started. But soon, lit only by the dash lights, I watched his emotions flashing across his face as he told his story. When he was done, I was amazed at the look he gave me. It was as if he had answered his own questions. And he did. He knew what he had to do, he was just scared to take the first step.
I felt the need to tell him a little bit about self preservation and about blind love. I just pray it helped.
After almost a 2 hour talk, the radio came alive. The trucks were starting to move. "J" was feeling better. I was sad we had to go. I asked for his number, and he refused. Said his other half forbids him giving out numbers. I then gave a quick lecture how I now hate his other half. (but in a nice way). I gave him my card.
He had that expression like he was about to refuse that too. "OH HELL NO!-Look" I said, "Its a business card. That's all."
I put one hand on the dash, and one on his chest. "If big Red has any problem out here, PLEASE, give me a call." I reached out to shake his hand. He gave me a big hug and Kiss. "Thank you".
"Thank You", I thought as I climbed out and returned to my car. He waved, put his big red truck in gear, and promptly stalled it. Turning as red as the truck, he restarted it, and pulled away. In the wrong gear.
I smiled all the way home.
While sex does occur on the road, just like it occurs everywhere else, the majority of this behavior is not as sought after by the overwhelming majority of professional truck drivers as certain elements would have us believe.
While I know sexuality is part of who we are, it is not ALL of who we are. While there are places located through out the country that are frequented by gay and bisexual drivers, these locations are far more about companionship, a hedge against loneliness, and finding an understanding someone to run down the road and share the miles with than they are about creating an environment conducive to a sexual free for all.
To underscore this point, over the years I've been approached by readers of this site, asking if I'd offer their names to 'just passing through' drivers I know who are traveling through their area. Unless I know someone really well, I lose these numbers. I don't want subject my trucker friends to these "offers" of hospitality-It seems there are always strings attached or expectations.
Especially in the gay community, there is an overt focus on sexuality. With trucking, that focus is even more pronounced, even if it isn't necessarily accurate among most drivers. It's that whole cowboy, masculinity hyped, rough trade drill-which is far more about fantasy than reality. I know hundreds of gay and bi truckers. Few of them have any investment or energy to devote to trying to meet the "All trucker Daddy-All the time" fantasy they are supposed to represent. To serve this population, we've been committed to ensuring that this site has always been relatively devoid of overt sexual content. We aren't hiding the fact we are gay. We just refuse to rub people's faces in what is best left behind closed doors in bedroom.
Yet unfortunately, there are a whole host of web based and pornographic institutions that make a lot of bank in constantly reinforcing and repackaging these heavily sexual myths. Drivers are often portrayed as nothing more than sexual giants, with horizonless libido's, and conquests in every local. Even sadder, some of these organizations are run by truckers or former truckers who damn well know that isn't the case. But when there is a buck to be made, a web site to sell, a fantasy to reinforce, or a porno storyline to be rehashed, you can bet that these recycled images are spoonfed to the gay masses regardless of reality.
Anytime I've told folks in the gay community that I spent nearly two decades on the road, driving a big rig, I've encountered raised eyebrows, sexual innuendo's and intense speculation. To them trucking is a one dimensional existence. Hopefully as more stories like the one above are told, we can change that perception.
For me driving truck was never about sex. That also holds true for the majority of the drivers I know.
Nearly a decade ago, I remember talking with a friend who tried to assist me in developing a way to supplement the incomes of truckers. Drivers literally often make less than minimum wage when all the uncompensated hours and work is factored into the job. We toyed with starting 976 Line where gay folk could call in and have conversations with real gay or bi professional drivers. These phone calls would be dispatched on cell phones we provided to interested drivers. The idea was that whenever they were lonely, trucking through the heartland across the middle of nowhere, they'd let us know if they had time to kill and had availability to field a call.
We hoped this might provide a hedge against some of that road rash isolation and put some much needed cash back in trucker's pockets. But the end game always resulted in something I could not be a part of, which was the reinforcement of the sexual hype surrounding gay drivers.
Even in such a controlled approach, truckers wouldn't necessarily be perceived as real people with real needs and so forth. Instead, they'd be fodder for fantasy, and chances are the marketing of this idea, regardless of the economic and emotional gain it provided to lonely drivers, would by its nature, take nothing more than a sexual turn.
I've seen all kinds of representations of what "supposedly" happens in the trucking industry. Indeed, the difference between the everyday realities in a gay trucker's life, as compared to the imagination of what that life must be like, as seen from the white collar, or non working-class gay perspective, is night and day.
I wish we were able to discount truck chasers and their ilk. But sadly they and the web sites that promote this culture translate into real consequences. In some urban areas, the truck chasing has gotten so bad, the vandalism and behavior so overt, that the authorities have closed many public locations frequented by tired truckers. These closures hurt everyone in the industry, especially giving gay drivers a bad name. Because there are already precious few places for tired truckers to park in many urban areas, it makes a dangerous truck parking situation even worse.
Sometimes just finding a place to park 80 feet of tractor-trailer so you can use a restroom or get some sleep is a huge enough challenge. Then to have 9 loitering guys follow you into the john while you try to take care of business is the ultimate in humiliation. Straight folks on vacation or straight drivers using the same facilities begin to equate truck chasing behavior with every gay driver even though most of the chasing is conducted by people who have no connection to the trucking industry. If a stranger approaches, striking up conversation without obligation, chances are the motive is rarely platonic and thus everyone, even most gay drivers are on the defensive.
Gay, bi, and straight truckers are endlessly objectified in the gay community. Whether it's Armistead Maupin in his book "The Night Listener", or Mark Weigle on his latest CD, many outsiders to the industry have a sexualized fantasy agenda they sell whenever it comes to the subject of trucking. I'd even call it sexploitation.
In any other industry this treatment would be considered sexual harassment, but in the no-boundaries world of gay truck chasing, it appears that any behavior is acceptable. Even if that means promoting illegal behavior such as drilling holes in public restroom walls, creating X rated graffiti, or exposing yourself to anyone who happens to be using the restroom.
A couple weeks ago I was interviewed in Southern Voice Magazine. The topic predictably turned to promiscuous behavior on the road. The reporter had already interviewed the founder of one of the web based truck chaser networks, who had an agenda in promoting his web based endeavors. Not once did the reporter confront this former trucker about vandalism or the fact that many truckers feel like they are prey under the onslaught of truck chasing. Yet in the same article, the trucker hawk, watching over his legions of truck chasers, proclaimed a spirit of professionalism.
How professional is it to drill holes in restrooms walls or pursue people to the point where they feel relentlessly targeted? How professional is it to continually reinforce a one dimensional sexualized view of your fellow drivers?
In a recent pilot study conducted out of Arizona State University a wide variety of truckers were surveyed about cruising behavior in truck stops and rest areas. The behavior was so overt that nearly every single trucker, nearly all of them identifying as straight, expressed familiarity with all the signs of truck chasing behavior. All of them claimed they were not a part of this behavior. Truck chasers respond wishfully that many of those who claim to be straight drivers aren't. How else could they be familiar with truck chasing if they weren't a part of it?
But I believe it is a safe bet to say that this behavior is so pervasive that it's impossible to ignore or avoid simply because it's everywhere. If you drive truck, gay or straight, you can't get away from it. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people drive down the highway in their vehicles naked. But just the fact it's everywhere doesn't equate this behavior as being welcomed among everyone. Truckers have few choices in the facilities available to them, so avoiding this attention, especially when people are following them into rest area restrooms while grouping themselves, isn't an option.
As I mentioned earlier, sex happens on the road, whether drivers are gay or straight. But it does not define the circus or promiscuity these websites promote. I strongly believe that the majority of truckers pursue healthy stable relationships, and that the majority of those who promote truck chasing culture have an agenda.
I also think that many professional gay truckers are as tired of this negative, relentless sexual attention as are their straight counterparts. These myths do not necessarily have to translate into self fulfilling prophesys and the steadfast professionalism demonstrated by the US Express Driver cited above is far more prevalent than all these websites would have us to believe. The truth is many gay drivers are in committed relationships and are faithful to their partners.
Yet regardless, whether single or partnered, gay truckers look for respect, commonality, and companionship. They look for someone who will listen, who isn't expecting anything in return, and hopefully someone who will really understand and relate to just what life on the big road is really like.
Especially when it's lived spread across all those miles.
Prayer Requests:
For my, father who in addition to last week's heart attack scare, was hit by a forklift yesterday. His shoulder and arm were injured in this latest accident, but immediately after the collision, at least one witness thought my father had been killed....Today he is sore, swollen, and bruised but thankfully his injuries were not as serious as they could have been...
For David, who may have had a mini stroke this week, and for his wife Joyce, who is recovering from cancer...
For Jay who shattered his Achilles Heel...
For Nancy who remains facing cancer concerns...
For Mark, Cathy, and Keith and ongoing health issues...
For my cousin Grant's infant daughter born several months premature...she's still hospitalized...
For my neighbor Dennis who is fighting a five year battle against cancer...
For Clayton's Sister who is going through a tough time...
For parents Vickie and Jimmy and their premature babies Heidi and Olivia...
For Stacy and Chris-who face frightening health challenges...
For Bobbi that her pregnancy continues without complications...Bobbi carries a boy.
For Brooke who is also pregnant. She is carrying a girl.
For all the cattle ranchers on both sides of the border facing Mad Cow fears...
Links, links, links...
The oddest pairing on TV...
http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/tv/wire/sns-ap-ap-on-tv-birch--company,0,755820.story?page=1&coll=sns-ap-tv-headline
Televangelist under fire for calls to assassinate leader
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2002450319_robertson24.html
State Supreme Court to hear case on Mayor West Recall Petition
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2002450340_west24m.html
Hong Kong judge throws out law criminalizing same sex sexual relationships. Prior to this ruling, being gay could result in a life sentence...
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/apasia_story.asp?category=1104&slug=Hong%20Kong%20Gay%20Sex%20Laws
Short, sweet and to the point...
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/opinion/237700_supported.asp
And even better-the NYTimes dismantles Bush and the reasoning behind the Iraqi war...
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/08/24/opinion/24wed1.html?th&emc=th
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